Clock's Ticking For Us!!! =/

Nayelly 1. Thesis: “Also a result the lakes and rivers are drying, Colorado’s fishes are the mist of being extinct. There are many reasons why four of the native fishes are endangered but luckily there are solutions to this.” Although, I recognize this as the thesis, it still comes off a bit unclear. I guess I would suggest something like, “ As a result of the lakes and rivers drying, Colorado’s fish populations are in the midst of becoming extinct. There are various reasons for which four of the state’s native fish species are now endangered, but luckily, there are solutions to this problem.” I don’t know, something like that. Maybe that can help? 2. Well, I printed out a copy in tiny print, so I only have two pages. I have to say that the Fifth paragraph, first page on my end, had really interesting information: “There are hundreds of dams, diversions and other barriers that are being build which effect the migration of these fishes. There is also 40 new species that have been introduced to the upper Colorado river basin which are eating and or effecting the four species habited. Another factor is that the rivers flows are being cut by a third which crowds fishes to live together which results in harms the living of the fishes. But one of the greatest impact has been the water development. A lot of the dams being constructed block the path of migration for fishes. The remaining water is suffering from changes in temperature, called tail water.” I am always interested in learning how species people have introduced into different ecosystems have negatively effected them. The fact that forty new species now occupy these waters makes any incredible impact on the existing fish populations. They raises competition levels, take up space, food, and not to mention, oxygen! The same thing happened when Starlings and Quaker parrots escaped in New York, and tons of unwanted goldfish were let loose in its ponds. However, I am curious as to why these species were introduced in the first place?; What species were they?; What is the purpose of these diversions?; Why have there been temperature changes? 3. I didn't get bored with the paper. I found the topic intriguing. However, there’s were a couple of parts that got a bit confusing here and there: Fifth paragraph: “The down steams are now 15 degrees cooler, which kill some fishes that can live in cold water.” Huh? Wouldn’t that mean that they would survive? Maybe you meant, “can’t.” Third paragraph: “As well as the fishes that are dying because of low water. Eventually if this problem persists the rivers of Colorado with become dry and eventually dry and other rivers of other part of the world will also face similar problems.” I just feel like you didn’t finish the idea. Where were you going, or coming with the idea? Why would other rivers be affected by Colorado’s dried up rivers? Second Paragraph: “Colorado has many rivers and lakes, but ten of its rivers are in states of crises. The Colorado River “suffers from sever depletions due to the unintended consequence of Colorado’s water law.” (not having enough water) The Cache La Poudre River “is subject to extensive diversions downstream.” The water of the Snowmass Creek “is also suffering from Colorado’s water law”. The South Boulder Creek is suffering of water reduction. There is hardly any water in the winter, the water that remains suffers from low flows. The San Miguel river also has too little of water.” I am confused as to what the Colorado water law is exactly and how it directly affects water flow. I believe that is a very important detail. 4. Second Paragraph: “It also suffers from the water development which effects its water flows. The La Plata River has basically shrunk; this river occupied a lot of the native fish but is now low in water. The bear creek “suffers from chronic overuse and warm temperatures in low-water years.” Because of changes in the temperature there are a lot of killings of trout. The South Arkansas River is becoming dry because of “diversion for agricultural irrigation and hydroelectric power.” The North Fork of the Gunnison suffers of serious drought. And finally the Conejos River suffers “from low winter stream flows below Platoro Reservoir.” Ten of its rivers and creeks are suffering from serious water drought. Without water, humans, animals, and other living organism can’t survive.” You do give acknowledgement to another by putting the phrase in quotation marks, but you don’t say who said it, and/or where it came from. 5. The human interest story about Matthew Stevens was great. It sounded really naturally and flowed well. It reminded me of the students in my high school Aquaculture team. I like that you incorporated facts in the interview, showing that Matt was genuine about the cause. I also really like the way you ended it, with a piece about how these four native species are being salvaged by different groups. 6. As I mentioned you have some really interesting ideas, but some seem repetitive, mixed up, or unfinished. I would recommend you simply proofread. There were some minor spelling errors, and some missing commas. Overall, it has really good potential. Just adding more detail to explain some of the concepts may make all the difference. I can’t wait to see how this turns out! Interesting topic. =) RaJeong Kim

1. Thesis: “I will discuss and analysis how much global warming is serious in the Netherlands and solutions for protecting from global warming.”
I considered this the thesis, or roughly the main idea of the paper, although I’m not sure if you can use “ I will” in these sort of things.

2. “From my story, I want to indicate and emphasize recognizance about importance of the environment. In my story, human's recognition is main point. Human beings can destroy environment, but they also can save environment if they care more and more. Recently, people find a solution to protect the planet from global warning and greenhouse effect. Today, technology is used to protect environment. For example, recently, natural gas buses are invented and replaced instead of regular buses to decrease car's dirty smog. Approximately, 75 to 90 percent of unhealthy gas can be removed by using natural gas buses. Moreover, In Netherlands, they try to find a solution for protecting global warming. According to the article, "…they have the largest offshore wind farm development plan in the world. The iconic windmills that once helped to pump out water from flood are now updated for the new millennium to help reduce the pollution that is raising sea levels around the world" (In the sea). “
Not only do I like the way you reflect on the story and how it relates to your research, but I was really interested in how the Netherlands is taking measures against global warming. I don’t know why it still surprises me that “everyone else”, like the Netherlands, Japan, and Ireland seem to be “going green”, while the United States trails behind. Don’t we strut around, claiming to be a world power? Well, were looking like blubbering idiots, don’t you agree? I am also amazed that the iconic windmills were put to better use in the Netherlands. Wow, just to think that a piece of equipment created to serve one purpose, can end up doing so much more gives me a renewed sense of hope. Lastly, if 75 -90 % of our current pollution levels can be cut down by switching to “natural gas buses”, why haven’t we sprung on it? We live on the transit system here and would definitely benefit from it.

3. No, I never got bored. The information was very interesting and the organization of ideas seemed to flow well. I would just be careful with some spelling, or word choices, that could make the sentences harder to read. For example: Second Paragraph: “airplains” or Fourth paragraph: Repeating the same word- “Activities what human beings do everyday provide convenience to human beings, so human beings continue to do activities even if the activities can be caused global warming.” Don’t worry, spell-check is my savior lolz

4. Yes, you acknowledged another person’s words and gave them credit. Second Paragraph: “Vehicles with poor gas mileage contribute the most to global warming" (Cause of global warming).”
But, in one instance the way you did so doesn’t seem accurate: Second Paragraph:"33% of U.S carbon dioxide emissions come from the burning of gasoline in internal-combustion engines of cars and light trucks (minivans, sport utility vehicles, pick-up trucks, and jeeps).US Emissions Inventory 2006 page 8 “ I believe its something like (US Emissions Inventory 8).

5. Your story was really great. A spaceship and the whole God-like voice versus careless-man thing was original and pretty inventive. It reflected on what could be the effects of global warming with a weird sci-fi twist. The barren landscape the man stares into, and the devastation that lays before him, serves as a harsh reminder of what could have been done, but wasn’t. The voice reminds him of that. Then, the world is obliterated. Wow. =) Awesome. Well, not that the world ends, the story I mean.

6. As for grammar, just as I mentioned before. Proofread, spell-check and I think you had some missing commas. So keep on going, its looking good so far. =) I want to see the finished product.=) and more spaceship stories (hahaha) =)

Jocelyn =) Good Luck to you all!!!!! Remember: Proofread a billion times, do not fear semicolons or commas and spell-check is your best friend! Lolz =)